Mother of the Year

After a few days of rain and gray skies, I have been getting quite restless.  I hate to be cooped up indoors, so when weather.com promised a sunny sky with mid 70 degrees today, I started ordering my kids into their swim suits and out we went!  Sadly I neglected to bring my camera which at multiple times watching the kiddos play I kicked myself for..  An hour and a half later we were merging in on dangerous territory (naptime!), so we started loading everything back up to start the walk home.

We started up the paved pathway when I saw a HUGE iguana.  We haven't run into one of these guys here yet, so I quickly called the kids over to take a peek at him.  As kids often are, they were incredibly intrigued by my find and crouched down to get a closer look.  The iguana, oh, let's just call him "Cruelio", started pumping up and down on his legs and filling himself with air to try and look bigger.  I took the opportunity to verify that these were in fact docile lazy creatures that don't take it any further than looking silly by asking a nearby teen boy (a reliable source, I know).  "Você fala Inglês?"  "Yes."  "Is that an iguana?"  "Yeah."  "They don't bite do they?"  "Oh, no."  "Perfect.  Thank you!" 

My 3 oldest kids inched a bit closer.. "Hey guys, they don't bite, but he's still a wild animal so don't go any closer."   They were maybe 3 feet away from Cruelio admiring how "cool" he was when out of nowhere the sucker charged at them with a hiss!  My initial assumption of big lazy creatures went flying out the window.. he literally lashed forward and back again before I could register what the heck was going on!  All 3 of my kids flew backwards SCREAMING their little heads off.  I knew no one was hurt, quickly surveyed the scene, and it happened.  I BUST UP LAUGHING!  All of my kids were in hysterics.  Miss B with tear brimming eyes nervously choked out, "Why did he DO that?!"  In between giggles I was able to reply, "Well honey, he was trying to scare you guys.. and you know what?  I think it worked!"  Yeah.  You know that whole "inappropriate nervous laughter" thing I mentioned a while back?  This would be it.  I walked the kids a safe distance away from Cruelio, aka the spawn of Satan, and knelt down to console my terrified kids (still giggling). 

The entire walk home all I could think about was how hilarious it would have been if I had gotten that on camera.  SERIOUSLY - AFV ("America's Funniest Home Videos" for you poor deprived souls,) would have definitely awarded us the Grand Prize for 2011!  I wonder how many hits it would have gotten on YouTube?  Is the show "When Animals Attack" still airing?...  Telling isn't it??  If any of you thought I was a decent mother, please erase that thought from your mind immediately.  CLEARLY I have issues!  I talked myself out of driving back down to the pool area to try and get a picture of Cruelio to share, (maybe even a reenactment.. or would that get my reported?), but alas 2 kids naps took precedence over those rather disturbing thoughts.  Now that my kids are safe and sound at home, I took the opportunity to gain some knowledge for all you curious types:

According to Bill Kern, an assistant professor of entomology with UF’s Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences said, “Adult iguanas are large, powerful animals that can bite, cause severe scratch wounds with their extremely sharp claws and deliver a painful slap with their tail.  These reptiles usually avoid people, but will defend themselves against people and pets who try to catch or corner them.  Wild adult iguanas, which can be dangerous, never tame sufficiently and rarely make acceptable pets."   Hmm.. that would have been nice to know.  Oops.. well if this hasn't scarred my kids for life, I'm sure I'll provide MULTIPLE other opportunities in the (most likely, rather near) future!

1 comment:

  1. lol...sorry kids, I know I shouldn't laugh but your mom tells the story in a way that it is truly funny!! Love and miss you all!!